i like to think about the way you told me I looked like a picture
pointing to a goddess in the stars on the wall of the cosmic coffee shop inside the temple of everyone’s worst sins with bad branding
for a night that felt, to me,
like the thread of our light turned to smoke
tangled in a ball of tarred hair,
something the plumber would’ve pulled out of my shower,
it was the most beautiful thing you’ve ever said to me.
i tried to talk to you today
through pleasure fluids vibrating in cosmic rainbow
in the same spot i told you “not today” not that long ago.
it took me so long to realize
the way you held me down by the mouth
in mornings darkened by our own personal dawn
was the mark of the earth,
dirt beast of dream lives.
your loving was never here is my only place in a white box altar of you prayers we told on the couch…
Read More
born into twilight they made darkness so that we could be light…
Read MorePush start
Inch forward
“This car was built to run”
she told herself…
Coming back to me at the concert
During the song
I bought a single ticket, but I didn’t realize I don’t go anywhere alone anymore…
Love, as space. Love, as absence. Love as boundary, boundary as invitation. Love as grief, and grief again, because you refuse to shut your heart down as long as it’s beating…
Read MoreOne day soon, we’ll dance too close, let the sweat drip on my tongue.
Soon, we’ll arrive. Shiny, not to cover what we are, but to scream what we cannot in the daylight…
There’s a very specific moment when you realize that the vision you had for your future is now
Dust….
How does your hand feel on my neck, hot. My shoulder wants to guard it like a warrior, up to the ear. The bear warms it until it’s moldable…
Read Moredays are different now
one big waiting room
at your therapists office
how are you?
Why—
If everyone is pinned to their homes Touch Starved
Why—
If texting until three is the same as making out at two
I crave the rawness in you.
The more of you that hides behind the rest of you.
The wall you tried to resurrect but I saw through,
Blistering and bubbling with truth.
The quiet loneliness of my 20s was almost sacred when I think of how I worshipped Escape.
Stumbling into the happy hour,
Stumbling into the bar where I knew no one and acted like I didn’t care…
As she stood in front of him
Loving
Every one of the hers that loved before stood in a line waiting to ask “Why?”
my anxieties wrap around me like a too-warm blanket.
my eyes closed too-tight with the windows too-shut.
Driving home from a moment with her, unplanned, I had the money to eat a meal that was once saved for special occasions
Or lunch specials only because it was cheaper that way.
I am a rainbow on fire.
My colors explode across the sky so bright and fast that eyes can barely see it. The violet bursts and drips into melted gold, molten, like my heart. I’ve always been gilded in it, shining out of the corner of your eye. You turn your head to see, but only the edges are there. Red, bloody and coarsing, proof of life, is a shock to everyone, especially me.
But it turns out that I’ve been pulsing like an angry river through and through, ever since I could first dream of the pleasure that promptly is drained from us because we didn’t know any better.
I can remember where I left it, the yellow and orange, flames around your lips, around your hands, around my waist, next to the van they always left unlocked and we claimed as our sanctuary. Children on fire, blinding and perfect. Fan their flames. I think of them now & conjure my colors back. In the ash, I hope it’s not too late.
My head spins with you in my mouth
In my heart, I soften.
My brain wraps around you
And around you
And around you
