She threw the blinds open
Brightness spilling into the room we all shared
I yelled & she yelled back,
Bratty and rude
like a sister
I spent more than 3 decades running from what I called a family
Clawing for a shred of what could be called independence
Towards an identity and a future where I called them less
And less
Until I got the call about his sister
Him and I, we get along fine
But I didn’t realize family forms as a function of time
As a function of being there, just being there
I never knew how much I cared
Or maybe I didn’t until their family became like mine
Suicide
Depression
Tragedy
Gun points and ODs
I pushed and bullied this family decision
From the first night you forced me to
I cringed inside
A strange man in our house
I had to eat it like cake
Until I was 18 and aged for escape
I don’t remember the first time I met them
But I remember that I’ve known them half my life now
We were innocent, all of us babies
And family forms as a function of time
I’ve heard stories on stories about family
But don’t let the dating shows fool you
We’re millennials, nothing is sacred
And most of us believe family is something you build
Our therapists teach us of boundaries
We become statues of liberty and “I” statements
We put our arms out straight to gauge the distance
We roam far and plant ourselves where we feel best
But blood or not, what we don’t know is our roots are ancient
It makes sense, they’re in the ground and hard to see
But our tangled trauma and dark corners weave our bedding
Troubled and bleeding, beyond denial, beyond escape and illness, formed beyond us, as us, exists
Our family