Driving home from a moment with her, unplanned, I had the money to eat a meal that was once saved for special occasions
Or lunch specials only because it was cheaper that way.
In a car that runs and glides, really, I told myself, “I could only have it if...” but I was wrong.
I partied too much at first.
Out night after morning after morning.
My aversion to stability wasn’t clear until she left me to myself.
Drawn towards chaos, I found her easily because I didn’t count to ten, so she did not hide.
Not until now.
Recently I’ve felt this odd sensation, new & subtle, growing like the buds beneath your feet in the spring—
sure—
but never sure for how long.
The wind comes in from three sides as I speed down Santa Monica Boulevard, past the Forever cemetery.
I break my ears with punk.
I park close under the broken palm.
Walking down the quiet hall towards my too-small apartment that I can afford for at least three more months, I can’t believe I never knew what I was missing once chaos hides.
Look what I’ve found.
And in the fluorescents, I think—
What luxury.